


Running

by SpirkShipper (JohnWatson)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: ALL the slash, Angst, Humour, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 21:20:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnWatson/pseuds/SpirkShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But who was he kidding? It didn't matter whether he made up one excuse or a hundred, nothing short of a warp core breach was going to stop him from taking Spock to bed. Unfortunately, things get a lot more complicated...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this chapter is based on the episode 'This Side Of Paradise', from season one. The first few lines of dialogue are taken from it verbatim. I intend for a few of my next few chapters to be episode add-ins, but not all of them. See if you can spot where Spock makes a Pon Farr reference! (Because Kirk doesn't know about the Pon Farr yet.)

“You belong in a circus, Spock! Not a star ship. Right next to the dog-faced boy!” Spock turned away from his captain. For the first time in his life, anger welled up inside him, bubbling and hissing and spitting, insistent and impossible to ignore. He found that the sensation overwhelmed him, and it engulfed all sense of rationality he had once possessed. The only option now was to act irrationally. He spun and lunged for Kirk, His first blow smashing up the pipe he had foolishly intended to fight with. 

His next sent him flying to the wall. He approached and threw his fist, unfortunately narrowly missing Kirk’s head and instead making a dent in one of the transportation view screens. The next few blows he landed came effortlessly to Spock; the human’s strength was far inferior to his own. Kirk was now on the floor, panting, and Spock loomed above, towering over him, hands gripping the stool that he would strike with to finish Kirk. 

Kirk gasped, sitting up and attempting to flee, but it was too late. Spock pulled back, preparing to fling the stool forward and rid Captain Kirk for once and for all, but something strange happened, something even Spock had not thought to consider. His intense anger subsided, mind beginning to clear. 

“Had enough? I didn’t realise what it took to get under that thick hide of yours.” Spock had indeed had enough. His anger was at an ebb, and his mind restored back usual analytical, logical state; a state which would not allow for human imperfections such as emotion. Kirk explained what had happened to Spock and the rest of the crew, and concluded with a suggestion on how to proceed. Spock agreed with his captain, it was a sound plan. As they made their way toward the bridge, Kirk drew to his attention an occurrence he most certainly had not previously anticipated. 

“Uh, Spock?”

“Yes, captain?”

“Do you need a minute to take care of your little friend downstairs? I’ll meet you at the bridge.” Spock’s severe eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension. 

“I was under the impression we were the only ones aboard?” Kirk should have realised that in order to converse efficiently with Spock, he would need to be more direct. Far more direct. 

“Spock, you are aware of your erection?” The Science officer looked down, and once again, surprise coloured his usually expressionless features. The man hadn’t been kidding when he’d said he didn’t experience embarrassment, Kirk mused. Especially when the only thing to draw out such a reaction in him would be… Kirk stopped walking. Spock halted at his side. Kirk sighed and turned to him, dreading having to do this but he knew how Starfleet would feel about the latter so…“Spock, it’s flattering to think you feel this way about me, but you ought to know that my only true dedication is to my ship, and I wouldn’t be willing to-”

“Captain,” Spock interrupted. “Though the assumptions you have drawn are highly logical based on the data at hand, I assure you that I am not romantically, nor sexually attracted to you.” Kirk’s face blatantly screamed disbelief. Spock hesitated slightly, but at glancing at his captain’s incredulous expression, he pushed on. “If you must know captain, I routinely masturbate in accordance to what is required to remain in optimal health. I missed my last… session in exchange for the much more pressing task at hand, my Science report which was required by you within the hour. I have not since had the opportunity to reschedule my-” 

“Okay! So you think that because you haven’t…” The captain gestured broadly toward his most private region, “in a while, that out close proximity during our little brawl got you all hot and bothered.”

“I would not have put it quite like that, but in essence, yes, captain. Keep in mind that I am Vulcan, and Vulcans are not accustomed to intimacy nor closeness, and it affects us in different ways. In addition to my lapse in my routine masturbation, it was adequate in provoking this reaction from me.” 

“I’ll say. Of all things to get you get you off…” Kirk muttered.

“Sorry, captain?” 

“Nothing.”

“Spock, maybe it’s none of my business, but perhaps you should look into getting laid? Then your ‘sessions’ might be less of a chore and more a pleasure. Plus it wouldn’t come to this if someone was within a two foot radius of you. When was the last time you were with someone, anyways?” 

“If you are referring to the last time I engaged in sexual relations with another person, it was five years ago.” Kirk’s eye’s bulged in astonishment. “And I do not wish to change that fact, I have no desire to ‘get laid’, as you put it. Though I will take up on your previous offer captain, I’ll meet you at the bridge presently.” Spock started toward his quarters. 

“Wait,” Kirk grabbed his officer’s arm to stop him. “Perhaps I’ll join you. Show you what you’ve been missing all these years.”

Spock quirked and eyebrow. “If it will speed up the process, then I must concur. Time is of the essence at this moment.”

\--

Kirk was brimming with excitement… among other less innocent emotions. He had never believed Spock would say yes. It had been an impulsive, unplanned request. But then Kirk was a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy, spontaneous was kind of his speciality – though it got him hell from his professors back in his academy days.

Honestly, It was plain to anyone – most of his ship’s crew had picked up on it long ago anyways – that he had had fancied the Vulcan for, well… as long as he could remember. The constant teasing was just a shoddy excuse to get the man’s attention, to have another excuse to talk to him. In fact, he had been so sure that the Vulcan would have pieced it together from merely the way he looked at him, eyes dancing and shimmering with mischief and happiness, lips twisted into a smug smirk, overall expression screaming desire. 

He decided that Starfleet protocol could be damned. They were no strict regulations on romantic relations between officers, though it was frowned upon (especially if you were in the captain’s chair). Besides, when was he ever going to get another chance like this? Plus, in order to save their crew and the ship, the captain and his first officer would need to be at their best, minds sharp and focused. Even is Spock could look past his boner, it certainly was affecting Kirk’s capacity to think straight. 

But who was he kidding? It didn’t matter whether he made up one excuse or a hundred, nothing short of a warp core breach was going to stop him from taking Spock to bed. 

\--

The door to Spock’s quarters had barely slid shut behind them before Kirk’s hand was around Spock’s dick and his pants around his ankles. Spock drew in a sharp intake of air – in all his years knowing Spock, this was the first time he’d heard him gasp. So much for saving time, because it looked like Kirk was already burgeoning a little problem of his own. 

Kirk tight fist pumped Spock’s sex organ hard and fast. There would be no time for sentimentalities nor to take things slow. Kirk was sure the Vulcan wouldn’t take to that kind of thing anyways, besides he seemed to be enjoying this frantic pace just fine. His face was contorted in uncontrollable pleasure, with a touch of surprise. He almost looked dazed. Kirk found it incredibly endearing that his precise, intelligent mind couldn’t process what happening. 

Kirk was near mesmerised by his momentary vulnerability. His face was so… open, so wholly surrendered to his the most carnal of desires. Kirk was certain the rarity in which he partook in such activities was certainly enhancing his current experience. 

Another gasp escaped Spock’s parted lips as Kirk thumbed his slit, rolling his foreskin between his fingers. 

“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” Kirk’s voice was deep and gravelly, an obvious betrayal of his arousal. Kirk just couldn’t find it in him to care. 

“Captai- Oh!” Kirk’s fist tightened around his member, and Spock gasped even more openly than before. What meagre semblance of control he had been holding onto vanishing as Kirk’s fist twisted around his cock, sending tight points of pleasure shooting down his spine. Kirk growled at his First Officer’s outburst, backing Spock into the door behind them. The captain lowered himself onto his knees. Spock quirked an eyebrow, intrigued despite himself.

Kirk’s left hand trailed down Spock’s stomach, delicately brushing against his skin, sending shivers down his spine as his left hand fed his dick into his mouth greedily. Kirk groaned around Spock’s thick girth, swallowing him inch by inch and his other hand traced hips bones, dancing over the hot flesh. Spock moaned desperately at the vibrations from Kirk’s mouth and the hot, gloriously wet caress of his mouth. Kirk held him there for a moment, both to tease and to take time to grow accustomed to his girth. 

Spock was unable to prevent his hips from snapping forward with need as Kirk suddenly pulled back nearly all the way, lips closing over his head as his tongue ravished his slit before taking him in deep. Kirk devoured Spock as obscene sounds filled the air. It didn’t take long before Spock was beginning to feel the coils of pleasure tightening within him, heat pooling with such magnitude and depth in a way he had never experienced before. 

Spock teetered on the brink for what felt like an eternity, his desperation for release surpassing any need he’d ever felt before. Kirk’s hand migrated south to cup his heavy balls, so ready to expel their load. And that was all it took. 

Spock went rigid as the tension within finally snapped, as powerful waves of bliss washed over him, eclipsing everything else around him. In that instance, the man developed a whole new understanding for the word ‘pleasure’. 

Kirk was entranced by Spock as orgasm seized him. Spock’s eyes squeezed shut as his mouth fell open in a gasp, body trembling and weakening at the knees. Kirk swallowed every drop of his seed, not minding the slightly bitter taste. He rode out the aftershocks with his officer, mouth finally detaching from Spock when it was over.

Spock’s eye’s fluttered open. His expression was that of pleasant surprise, though his angled eyebrow’s hinting at deep thought. He could almost hear the cogs whirring in his brain, trying to process, to analyse, to make sense of the situation and his unprecedented reaction. Kirk worked to smother his grin.

“Captain… That, what you did for me was a most... enlightening and… pleasurable experience. Thank you.” This was probably the closest he’d ever seen and ever would see Spock come to being speechless. Today was indeed a day of firsts. He decided to cherish it while he could. 

“So, uh, what shall we tell my crew- Do we tell my crew anything?” Kirk’s brain was sluggish with arousal but he was lucid enough to understand to gravity of what had just occurred between them. Spock seemed to have recovered quite quickly, tucking himself into his pants, expression deadpan as ever. 

“I don’t believe we should notify the crew that their captain has engaged in sexual relations with his first officer. It would not set a good example, and may be used against you in a crisis.” Kirk licked his lips, face growing hot yet simultaneously breaking out into a nervous smile. 

“Well, Spock we wouldn’t tell them that we were ‘engaged in sexual relations’. No need for anything quite so personal. All we’d have to say is that we’re currently involved, that we were in a relationship. That way if we were caught, it wouldn’t come as such a shock to them.” Kirk clarified, yet Spock looked taken aback. 

“Captain, to my knowledge carrying out that act would entail feeding false information to your crew. Such an act is a violation of Starfleet protocol. Though it can be permissible if committed for good reason, I do not believe this qualifies.” Now it was Kirk’s turn to look confused.

“In what way am I lying to my crew?” 

“By claiming that we are in a relationship as a cover up. I-”

Understanding began to trickle down Kirk’s body, leaving an icy chill and an uncomfortable scattering of goose bumps in its wake. But Kirk refused to believe it. He whispered, “I still don’t understand.” He needed to hear it said plainly, so there was no trace of doubt or denial in his mind.

“Well captain we are not in a relationship, nor are we involved.”

“I… aren’t we?” Kirk still dared to sound hopeful, but it felt like a rock had settled in his stomach as a deep wave of sadness washed over him. Spock very nearly frowned in confusion.

“No, we are not… captain were you under the impression I possessed ‘feelings’ for you?” Though it came out in that flat, emotionless tone same as ever, it felt like an accusation. Feeling lost, numb even, he answered: “Yes.”

“You understand I do not harbour feelings, captain? I am Vulcan, and such illogical processes are foreign to me. I am not capable of ‘love’ nor do I wish I was.” That was the final straw for Kirk. He couldn’t have hoped for a more plain and clear declaration. His stomach twisted with rejection, eyes filling rapidly with tears. 

“Understood. We shall not be informing anyone about this encounter. This meeting is to remain strictly between us. Head to the bridge and begin work on the Subsonic Transmitter. I’ll meet you there.” Kirk hurriedly turned away, succeeding in fleeing the room just as his tears began to overflow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He mourned alone, and he did so in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is quite short, and very angsty.

Kirk stumbled into his quarters blindly as tears streaked down his face, leaning heavily against the door after it slid shut behind him. As he had been making his way toward his quarters, Spock’s unfeeling words echoed in his mind. 

I am not capable of love nor do I wish I was.

Those were his exact words. They kept replaying over and over in his mind, prohibiting him from forgetting every insignificant detail. Spock’s blank features, hands clasped behind his straight back. The blatant confusion twisting over his features as he understood Kirk’s feelings. 

Were you under the impression I possessed feelings for you?

Kirk gasped through the sticky, snotty tears marring his face. It felt as though someone had set their phaser on stun and shot him right in the stomach, though the pain wasn’t unbearable at first it deepened and intensified over time, until it felt like he was being devoured by it from the inside out, the pain chewing and clawing its way through his insides.

“Why?” He whispered feebly. Why had this happened? He thumped his head against the door. How could he have fallen so damn hard for Vulcan? What-

Look at yourself! His inner voice sounded disappointed. The great Captain James Kirk, the one and the only, wholly and absolutely brought to his knees by his own First Officer, in more ways than one. It was pathetic. Not only was he shut off in his quarters sobbing like a broken-hearted teenage girl, he was also screaming accusations at himself for it. Pathetic and weak, that’s what it was. 

Not to mention the crew – his crew – was stuck on a planet down below, lost deep in a self-satisfied trance. What had come over him? He couldn’t believe his was actually in here crying his eyes out when his crew stuck down there.

The thought just made him bawl harder. 

Though his body shook with the intensity of his sobs, and his vision was blurred with tears, not a sound could be heard from the anguished captain. His cries were as silent the rest of his empty ship. It had been a habit of his since his academy years. Long after his dorm mate had fallen asleep, Kirk’s pillow would be drenched with the silent tears he had shed for a friend who had lost his life in an accident. They had been much closer than anyone else had realised, Kirk included. He hadn’t known he’d loved him until his passing. 

Since those terrible grief-stricken nights, Kirk was quite unable to make a peep while crying. He mourned alone, and he did so in silence. 

\--

Weeks after the incident on Omicron Ceti III, the door chimed, informing him that someone wanted in. Kirk was startled out of his reverie, pathetic fantasies of him and Spock dissipating. 

“Come in,” Kirk halted his frantic pacing, carefully scraping together a mask of calm, a façade of self control. The door to his quarters slid open.  
“Ah, McCoy. How’s the ensign? You told me he’d be ready to be discharged soon yes? He’s a clumsy one, isn’t he?” The lightness in the Captain’s voice was forced, painfully so. He just hoped that McCoy wouldn’t pick up on it. 

“This isn’t about Holman. It’s a bit more personal-”

“Bones I told you I feel as healthy as a horse. There’s no need to waste for you to waste your time or our resources on routine checkups.” Kirk spoke jokingly, however the good doctor’s face was grim. He slowly moved towards his bed, motioning for his to sit by him. His actions were stiff, shoulders stooped slightly as if burdened with an undesirable weight. Kirk frowned, curious despite himself.

As Kirk sat himself down aside the doctor, he began. “Jim, I’ve known you for a while now, and I’d like to think of you as a close friend of mine. As a doctor I’ve been trained in psychology, I do know to read people and more importantly, realise when something isn’t right. As your friend I know you even better than the average physician would know their patient.” McCoy swivelled to face him. A sense of foreboding welled within Kirk. 

“I’ve been watching you, Jim. On the bridge you seem… distant. You’re hardly neglecting your duties, far from it, but you’re not as involved as you used to be. You go through the motions, but you’re not really there. You’ve stopped suggesting ideas at briefings and you’re slow to respond. You’re eyes seem almost glazed over sometimes. What’s happening, Jim? Where’ve you been?” Kirk swallowed, staring at his hands in his lap. Bones really had him this time. He’d completely backed him into a corner, and he wasn’t stepping aside without some answers first.

“Geez… I don’t really know where to start. I’m sorry, I hadn’t realised I was being such a lousy-”

“Stop, stop. I’m not looking for apologises, I just want to know if you’re alright, as your friend. Well, and as your doctor, because if our captain’s buggered it’ll be damn likely that we are too! We need our captain back on his feet.” McCoy’s voice was soft, gentle. He’d only ever heard him use that tone on his most pitiful patients. 

Never had Kirk counted on being one of them. 

He decided he didn’t really have much of a choice; Bones was going to find out one way or another. His stubbornness was often his favourite quality about the man, but today it was his least. “I don’t really know where to start…” Kirk trailed off. What was he supposed to say, really? After a long minute of painful silence and twiddling thumbs, McCoy pressed on.  
“It’s Spock isn’t it?” Again with the gentle tone, though it did nothing to soothe Kirk. His head snapped up to glare right at his chief medical officer. Anger bubbled inside him. His own reaction surprised him, but the other man had seemed to anticipate it. 

“How long have you known?” The vehement anger surging within him didn’t match his tone. This voice was soft, but unlike McCoy’s. He sounded crushed, feeble, like he was admitting to defeat.

“Jim… you can’t keep your eyes off of him.” McCoy said softly, eyes emanating pity. Kirk knew he meant well, but he couldn’t stand that he was being treated like a weakling.  
“Anytime he enters the room you tense right up. It’s the only time you really appear to care about what’s going on around you. When you talk to him your voice is harsh, angry, but your eyes are sad.” Kirk swallowed. But damn Bones knew how to read people. He’d bet no one else had yet noticed. His next statement made him wonder if he wasn’t a little psychic too.  
“Nobody else knows. They just think you’ve gone a little too long without shore leave.” The doctor gave him a moment to let that sit before pressing on. “Look I know you’re having a rough time right now, and I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to, you’ve got me. You’re not alone anymore Kirk.” McCoy paused awkwardly, because damn that had been sappy. Kirk almost smiled through his misery at his friend’s expression. 

Before today if you’d told him that a member of his crew would find out about his feelings for Spock, he would have been horrified. But he was almost glad now that McCoy knew. He felt lighter, yes he was still keeping a secret from the rest of his crew but it was nice to have someone in the know. And who better than Bones to be that someone? Things weren’t looking as bleak as they were half an hour ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos is you enjoyed this fic! We writers thrive on feedback! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “One does not need to be engaged in a relationship to engage in… other activities with said person. I realise I made it clear to you that I do not partake in sexual activities, but I upon reflecting upon our last encounter I have found the experience to be enjoyable, and wish to repeat it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is based on the episode 'City On The Edge Of Forever'. I have taken some dialogue right out of the episode, but no copyright infringement is intended! 
> 
> Also I made a front cover for this fic! It can be found on the copy of this fic I posted to ff.net or here: 
> 
> http://that-trekkie-blog.tumblr.com/post/50981633257/cover-for-my-fanfic

“You were enjoying my predicament back there. At times you seem quite human.” Kirk mused out loud as he set down the bundle of typical 1930’s clothing.

“Captain I don’t believe insults are within your prerogative as my commanding officer.” Spock stated firmly, selecting a beanie to mask his Vulcan features. Tension still clotted thickly in the air whenever Kirk and Spock were in the same room. Or in this case, alley way. A dark, deserted alley way. 

Kirk had been throwing every ounce of his determination into forgetting his feelings for Spock, but he was still far from having moved on. Talking to Bones a few times had helped, but only in releasing the strain his secret thrust upon him. McCoy hadn’t actually done anything to make him feel better. 

Being alone with Spock in this poorly-lit, secluded environment was bestowing him with a sense of boldness. The darkness acted like a shelter, a blanket that protected him from the outside world and its harsh realities. The gluey viscosity of unease in the atmosphere ensnaring both officers was beginning to dissipate, morphing into a mellow, spicy sort of tension of a very different kind. 

“Sorry.” Kirk amended. The friction in the air that bristled between them was so concentrated he feared it may ignite. At this point, Kirk wasn’t sure if that was something he craved or sought to avoid. He couldn’t remember being this emotionally conflicted since his bumpy teenage years.

Kirk pulled his Starfleet top over his head and slipping into the button down top. His left arm brushed against Spock’s bare side, just below his ribs. Kirk turned to apologize, resolutely ignoring the way Spock had shivered so delicately at his touch. When he turned, he was met with the glorious sight of Spock’s bare body encased in nothing but his underwear. Before Kirk could even open his mouth he found himself pushed up against the hard brick wall of the alley way, and Spock’s hard-on pressing into his hip. 

Spock’s lips glanced over the throbbing pulse point in his neck before suddenly biting down, causing Kirk’s breath to stutter. Spock’s hot tongue soothed the bite as his hands smoothed over Kirk’s flushed, bare chest. Arousal began to pool deep within Kirk as Spock pinched his nipple, lips sucking hard enough to mark his neck. 

“Spock!” Kirk gasped, the word mangled and unintelligible with arousal. He tried again. “Spock! Spock, hang on.” Spock hummed against Kirk’s neck, a indicating for him to continue. However, he didn’t slow down. “U-um,” Kirk stuttered, his mind clouded with Spock’s scent. “Spock I thought you weren’t interested in a relationship?” The captain blurted out, his words running together, lost as he was in his haze of pleasure. 

“Captain, have I done something to indicate that I am?” Spock queried as his fingers glanced over the skin just above the waistband of his pants. Kirk might have laughed at the irony if he was not so preoccupied.  
“Spock, you don’t-” Kirk squeaked as Spock palmed his hardening cock through his clothing. “You don’t think pushing up me against a wall and ravaging me i-is indication enough-?” Kirk’s tone tapered off abruptly as Spock’s hand slipped beneath the waistband.

Spock leaned back to look right into his captain’s eyes. “One does not need to be engaged in a relationship to engage in… other activities with said person. I realise I made it clear to you that I do not partake in sexual activities, but I upon reflecting upon our last encounter I have found the experience to be enjoyable, and wish to repeat it.” 

Kirk had been on the precipice, the apex of falling head first into a mindless oblivion, a place where logic didn’t matter, and Spock was his only care. An oblivion where it didn’t matter what Spock did or didn’t feel about him, where only his lips, his hands and his warmth pressed against him was of any importance. 

But Spock’s declaration brought the stinging reality of the situation to his attention.

Kirk could feel Spock’s hands, breathe his intoxicating scent, but he was suddenly… distant. His focus was elsewhere, and Spock was merely background noise. He had a decision to made, and they both knew it. 

Did he really want this? To be close to a man whom he knew could never return his feelings? Was he really so pathetic to give into his touch, knowing that he was merely making the best of the situation? Knowing that the other man wouldn’t shed a tear at his passing, nor mourn? Knowing that he would never spare an affectionate, sympathetic or loving thought for him? 

And knowing that he never could?

While he made his decision, Spock respectfully had put some distance between them. Well, more distance than before anyways, he was still close enough for his warm breath to wash over him, but he considerately kept his hands to himself.

In all honestly, Kirk knew the true answer all along. There was no need to question, to dissect or analyse his intentions. Because he knew he would settle. He was willing to take any part of Spock he prepared to share. Love often broke down its captor down to their most vulnerable, and Spock was unknowingly taking advantage of his weakened mental state. 

Then again… if he was going to go down this path, he may as well enjoy it to its fullest while it lasted. He wasn’t about to spend his precious time with Spock mourning. Who knew if ever again a chance akin to this would ever arise? No, now was not the time to brood.  
\--  
Curiously, Spock observed a change in his captain in that moment. The tension in his shoulders loosened, yet his expression seemed to harden. It was not anger nor determination but a peculiar emulsion of the two. It appeared the captain had made his decision.  
\--  
Kirk placed his hands on either side of Spock’s face, bringing their lips together. Spock’s lips parted, as if he were surprised that Kirk had succumbed. But of course, Kirk thought bitterly, he wouldn’t really be surprised because the only ‘logical’ course of action was for him to give in, or probably something along those lines according to him. 

Spock’s tongue tentatively sild into Kirk’s mouth as his fingers danced over his ribs. Kirk moaned in encouragement as Spock became more bold, his tongue sliding against his. Spock tensed as the captain’s deep moan resonated in the air, the first sound in many a minutes to shatter the suspenseful silence. The undercurrent of unease in the air seemed to dissipate from that moment on. The man melted into his captain, arms circling him tightly, bringing their bodies close.

Kirk’s gripped Spock at the base of his neck, fingers entangling in his hair as their kisses grew desperate. Kirk pulled away, lips migrating south. Spock clutched his captain to him as his mouth ravaged the skin where his shoulder met his neck. Spock pushed his leg between the captain’s, rolling his hips leisurely so his half-hard cock ground against his thigh teasingly.

Kirk groaned and flipped them around, slammed Spock into the wall. Kirk shoved his shirt from his shoulders, wriggling out of his pants just as swiftly. He gripped Spock roughly by the hips, driving him even harder into the wall as he ground his crotch into his. Spock gasped, “I expected that taunting you would grant me a desirable result. It appears my hypothesis was accurate.” 

“Oh,” Kirk growled menacingly, “I wouldn’t speak too soon, Spock. The captain picked up his pace, holding back Spock’s hips when he tried to thrust back into him. His head fell back in frustration, smacking against the wall audibly. Spock groaned in frustration, beyond caring.

“Captain… Captain, please…” Spock whined needily. Kirk abruptly stilled his hips, and Spock actually whimpered in frustration. He leaned in close, his hot breath ghosting over his neck. Spock shuddered when Kirk delicately licked at his earlobe and murmured huskily, “Please? Please what?” 

“Please captain, please touch me.” Kirk wound his fingers through his hair, interlocking at the base of his neck as he planted a feather-light kiss to his neck. 

“Like this, Spock?” He asked innocently. No one drove Captain James Kirk up the wall like that (literally) and got away with it. Besides, Spock’s punishment was proving to be quite enjoyable, especially when Spock drove his now unrestrained hips into his thigh, letting him feel the extent of his arousal as he groaned in frustration. 

“No. I need to you to- to touch me.” He reached for Kirk, but he grabbed his wrists, pinning them to the wall. Kirk gazed right into his eyes, his searing with arousal and a deeper underlying sorrow. 

He lowered himself to tease his nipple with his tongue, with Spock writhing against his grip. His tongue lapped at the nub, teeth biting down on his sensitive flesh as he cried out. “Like this?” 

His query seemed to be the final straw for the half-human. He bucked against Kirk, freeing his wrists this time. “No, captain. Like this.” He ripped the final scrap of fabric separating their bodies off of Kirk, making haste to do so for himself. 

“Bend over and brace yourself against the wall.” Kirk grinned saucily in anticipation. Spock positioned himself behind Kirk when his hands were firmly set on the wall. Spock restrained himself, refusing to touch him until he could bear it no longer. A slow minute trickled along, air so thick with anticipation it was almost tangible. Kirk’s breathing hitched when Spock’s fingers trailed over his back, dipping into the indentation of each segment of his spine. 

His digits traced right over his back, following the pronounced curve of his arse and thighs. Kirk wriggled slightly askance, silently begging Spock to move things along. Spock complied. 

One hand closed around his cock, the other dancing over the skin so very close to his hole. A shudder reverberated through Kirk at the sudden contact. His tight fist rode his prick lazily, enough to cause Kirk’s already erect cock to stiffen and leak pre-come onto his fingers. Kirk whined as Spock teasingly stoked his perineum, bucking up into his fingers. 

“Ahh- Spock, please. Please.” Desperate as Kirk was, he hadn’t truly believed that he would yield. Denial and teasing seemed to be the theme for the night. So when Spock spit-slicked digit gently probed his arse Kirk went weak in the knees. His narrow finger wriggled delicately between his cheeks, slowly opening him up.  
“Spock…” Kirk begged, needing him to pick up the pace.

\--

“All in good time, captain. Such delicate a task is one I wish to savour.” His lone finger explored the constricted band of muscle. The captain bucked uncontrollably when Spock flicked his prostate, his muscles convulsing around his single finger. Feeling some of the tension subside, Spock pulled out despite Kirk’s verbal protest. His other hand however, kept a steady pace against his cock, gentle enough that it wouldn’t let him come, but enough to drive him mad. 

Spock thoroughly saturated his index and second fingers, slicking them up with his tongue. He plunged his wet fingers into his heat, and Kirk gasped at the stab of pleasure-pain at the sudden intrusion. He gave him a minute to adjust to the pressure, and soon enough Kirk was wriggling against him, needing him to move. 

He swiftly located his prostate, and Kirk’s gasp as he nudged against it confirmed it. He gently scissored his fingers, spreading them gradually, all the while remaining in contact with Kirk. Simultaneously, Spock thumbed his slit, smearing his pre-come over his engorged dick. The captain went weak at the knees, his grip on the wall the only thing preventing him from tumbling to the ground. 

Spock continued to slowly work him, fingers digging into his prostate on one hand and riding his prick with the other. His hands moved unhurriedly, alternating between gently circling, flicking and rubbing his most sensitive regions. It wasn’t long before Kirk was melting into his arms, soft and weak with need.

“Spock… Spock now. I need you now.” He implored. His plea was different to those previous. Not rough with desperation, but resigned. Spock knew he was it was time. 

He drew his fingers out from within him gradually, pausing whenever the captain’s muscles began to clench around his digits. He had been playing with the man for many a minutes, tortured him so sweetly yet so severely. He had very nearly pushed Kirk’s human physiology to its limit; the risk of overstimulation was not one to be sneezed at. He couldn’t have him passing out on him now. 

Spock nudged at his hole, while his hand steadied his hips and the other hesitated momentarily, and then reached for Kirk. His fingers ran through his sweat-soaked hair, coming to rest on the side of his face, their minds becoming one. 

Kirk’s consciousness was a tangle of blurred emotion, no coherent thought was present. The waves of pleasure dominated above all, but knots of sorrow and even anger lay dormant. Underlying it all, was a deep shadow of love. It was something the half-Vulcan had vicariously experienced, but never at this magnitude, and never directed at him. 

Startled, Spock released his hold. 

“Not quite what you were expecting, Mr. Vulcan?” Kirk murmured weakly, yet still managing to convey sarcasm in his tone. Spock had no answer for him. He was quite unsure as to how proceed. Thankfully, Kirk took matters into his own hands, grinding into his erection.

Spock finally sunk into him, his body pliable and wet, swallowing him up as he watched. Kirk groaned at sensation of being so filled, energy finding him again. He initiated the first move, rocking into him. 

Spock gripped his hips, pumping into Kirk almost brutally, his sudden confusion fuelling his actions. Kirk ground back against him, and they settled into a frantic pace, each thrust punctuated by a grunt from the captain. Spock’s request to brace himself against the wall hadn’t been a foolish one. 

Spock pounded into Kirk and he lost his grip, hands skidding down the wall a few inches and causing Kirk to bend over further. They gasped at the new angle, Spock was now buried balls-deep inside him. Kirk groaned.

“I swear you will be the death of me.” Kirk relished the way his cock filled him, nudging at his prostate, so glorious it was almost painful. 

“Mmm, likewise, captain.” Spock was actually quite breathless, delighting in the way Kirk enveloped him. He thrust into him, slow and deep, enjoying the new angle. Kirk groaned as Spock watched the slip and slide of their wetness below, his cock disappearing into the captain again and again. 

He reached for Kirk, and it took only a few strokes before his engorged prick released, thick strings of his come shooting out and painting the alley wall.  
“Oh god!” He squeaked. Spock was tempted to join with him once again… but he pulled back, weary of his previous disastrous attempt. 

Spock tumbled over the edge not long after; the way in which Kirk undulated around him when he came brought him over with him. They rode out the after shocks together, Spock was reluctant to pull out when the captain was clenching around him so wonderfully, his wet walls sucking on his dick. 

Kirk cringed in pain when Spock pulled out, despite his care he took in withdrawing slowly. The captain fell limply into his arms, gasping and exhausted. He twisted around in their hot, sweaty embrace, kissing him sloppily. As their mouths melded like their minds had done only minutes ago, Spock began to ponder. 

Where did this leave them? His human captain was infatuated with him, and he could never return those feelings. But… maybe he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe there could be a way. After all, when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

He had not yet eliminated the impossible, so who’s to say it was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave me a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this chapter, I adore reading your thoughts on my work. Also, consider subscribing because I have plans for many more chapters. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart swelled with his love for this man, whom he was being drawn to like a moth to a flame. How was he supposed to cope now? How was he to deal with being knocked down over and over and still pick himself up?
> 
> All he knew for sure was that one of these times, he wasn’t going to be able to.

_Where is the captain?_   He wasn’t in his quarters, nor could he be found in sick bay, engineering or the bridge. I could probably just use the computer to locate him, but that felt like an intrusion of his privacy this late in the evening. It was past 2200. _But… I do need to talk to him._ Besides, there wasn’t really an ‘after hours’ policy on a star ship, you couldn’t uphold such a procedure when everyone on the ship was required to be contactable at any time in case of emergency.

Well, protocol trumps all in the end I suppose… “Computer, locate Captain Kirk.”

“Captain Kirk is in Commander Spock’s quarters.” That startled me somewhat. Spock didn’t seem the kind to mingle at this hour, or any hour for that matter. It must be a professional engagement. _I wonder what they could be up to. I suppose maybe I should just leave them alone, they’re probably busy. The captain had mentioned something about needing to see Spock… Anyways I don’t need to speak to him right this second. This can wait._

I made my way toward my own quarters, eager to get some sleep. I was exhausted; I hadn’t been sleeping well lately and tonight felt like my night to finally grab some well-earned rest.

\--

The next night I found myself frowning despite my fatigue when the computer informed me that the Captain was once again within Spock’s quarters. Now my curiosity truly was seized. _What were they up to?_

\--

For the remainder of the week, my desired discussion with the captain utterly slipped my mind. The whole ordeal with damned planet-swallowing machine and Decker had really taken a lot out of the rest of the crew and I. Days later I finally recalled my plan. _I really ought to seek out the captain. Enhancing the ship’s efficiency wasn’t part of my job description, but it might take me a one step closer toward a promotion._

That morning when the computer informed me of the captain’s whereabouts I frowned. _Maybe it was a malfunction. We do rely a bit too much on technology anyways._ I caught the attention of a passing ensign. “Have you seen the captain?”

“He was on his way to Spock’s quarters last I saw him.”

\--

In bed that night, I pondered. It probably wasn’t even anything, just my paranoia getting the best of me, but why else in god’s name was the captain spending so much time with Spock? Yes he was his first officer, and it was hardly unheard of for a captain to seek out his first officer after hours, but this was a little strange. I’ve tried three times, twice around 2200 and once at 0900. Had no one else noticed this little peculiarity?

I sighed and flopped onto my stomach. I knew I was sleep deprived, but to delude myself into thinking the captain is conspiring with Spock? That was far out. I really needed to get some sleep.

\--

Kirk wasn’t angry in the least with Spock for their encounter in the alley way. He knew it was irrational to harbour ill feeling toward the Vulcan. In his mind it had been a logical request, he had stated the terms of his intentions, taking his human emotions into account.

The mind meld had come as a surprise, but he didn’t really mind. They had joined before, though never quite in such an intimate fashion.

It doesn’t, however, mean that Kirk wasn’t upset. He had been trying to move on since the incident, but it was easier said than done, especially in light of recent events.

The first night Spock invited him over he had been thought nothing of it, assuming it to be a professional meeting. Had he known of his true intentions, he would have been much more wary.

The first evening he arrived at Spock’s quarters he had an armful of micro tapes, and he was geared up to work on the tedious administrative duties. Spock let him in, and he dumped his load onto the edge of his bed. When he looked up, he was surprised to find that Spock had his Vulcan lute in his lap.

“Had you assumed this is was a professional meeting captain?” Spock queried.

“Yes… what else would it be?” Kirk was suddenly very apprehensive. He wanted Spock; though he knew he shouldn’t, that they could never have a true connection. He has been trying to move on, he really has, but if he swept him up into an encounter similar to their last… well, it was going to make the situation very difficult for Kirk.

“I had intended for this to be a purely social visit. To put it simply, I had wanted for us to ‘hang out’.” Kirk grinned despite his sudden unease at how out of place those words sounded coming from Spock. He took a seat by Spock.

“Alright then, would you play for me?” As Spock’s fingers danced over the strings, and his thoughts overwhelmed his mind as the beautiful melodies emanating from Spock’s lute filled his ears.

It wasn’t like Spock had never spent time any time with him apart from on the bridge, in meetings and other mandatory Starfleet requirements in the past, but the times they had see each other was quite purposeful, unlike this encounter. They would read, or Spock would teach him new Vulcan brain training techniques. Not that the captain was complaining, but he was unaccustomed to Spock’s unprecedented friendliness.

Perhaps unprecedented was too strong a word… unexpected was more appropriate. It wasn’t as if he were weeping with sorrow, or singing with joy, nothing so very uncharacteristic. He was simply keen to spend more time with a friend. At least he knew he wasn’t doing this because he felt guilty about what had happened between them in the last few weeks. It was nice to know this wasn’t some half-hearted gesture to get the remorse off his chest.  
His song drew to a close, and Kirk complimented him lavishly.

“I wrote it with you in mind captain. I haven’t yet chosen a title for the piece, however. Have you any ideas?” Spock spoke so plainly, he could have been asking him to pass the salt. His Vulcan demeanour had in no way been compromised by the delicate nature of his words, so it seemed. Kirk, on the other hand, was quite openly flabbergasted.

“Me? You- that? But it was so… _beautiful_.” He trailed off.

“I believed it to be quite accurate, captain.” Spock’s face didn’t change, but his eyes seemed… warmer, somehow.

“Thank you, Spock.” Kirk was bristling with happiness, and in all honestly, love for his Vulcan. How was he supposed to get over him now, for Christ’s sake? Kirk had walked into the Spock’s quarters feeling much more like himself, convinced the mourning phase was over. His wounds hadn’t fully healed, but he wasn’t moping anymore. He had been coasting down the road to recovery, even if he had hit a few bumps along the way.

Now his heart swelled with his love for this man, whom he was being drawn to like a moth to a flame. How was he supposed to cope now? How was he to deal with being knocked down over and over and still pick himself up?

All he knew for sure was that one of these times, he wasn’t going to be able to.

\--

The night flew by as the captain and his first officer conversed about nothing and everything. The stack of micro tapes the captain had brought with him had remained untouched.

The captain delighted in every minute he spent with Spock, not bored for a minute. The subject of their conversation was inconstant flux, morphing from stellar phenomenon to their academy days, their conversational topics jumping from personal to impersonal seamlessly.

The captain didn’t leave until almost 2300, though he knew he had to be on the bridge in less than six hours. He was astonished at how swiftly time had flown by, though he had not felt a minute of its passing. He returned to his quarters with full intention to repeat their night together sometime, hoping that it would eventually become a regular occurrence. It had been a welcome escape from stressful and sometimes tedious days on the bridge.

\--

I had previously assumed that I was merely paranoid due to lack of sleep, and my theory was inaccurate, but every day that passes proves me wrong. In the beginning it hadn’t been my intention to spy on the captain or his first officer, but I couldn’t help but notice their suspicious behaviour.

On the bridge the captain seemed to constantly be hovering around Mr Spock’s station, finding any excuse to speak with him. Whenever I happened across them in corridors, in recreation rooms or the mess hall they always spoke in hushed tones, heads together. In the last few days especially the captain had been called off the bridge not long before the end of his shift by Mr Spock, claiming that he urgently needed to speak with him.

Neither first officer nor his captain would bring up the topic of the ‘urgent’ incident thereafter. Yes, I realised that it was hardly conclusive evidence. That I was probably looking far too hard into something that wasn’t actually there, but for the safety of this ship and its crew, and as my duty as a Starfleet officer, I had to make sure.

Tonight, or tomorrow morning or whenever again the captain went to visit Mr Spock in his quarters, I would follow. I had rigged up a device that would assist him in eavesdropping in on their conversation. It was a dirty way of ensuring the wellbeing of the _Enterprise_ , but if it would protect the crew, I was willing to go ahead with it.

\--

The captain and himself had been spending more time together than ever. He had utilised his authority as first officer to rearrange the bridge shifts so they spent nearly every single one together. Of course upon inquiry he had spawned a reasonable excuse for the deviation, casting no suspicion on him.

They visited each other as much as they possibly could without neglecting their duties. On one occasion he had invited himself to the captain’s quarters, but he had found the experience unsettling. Neither man enjoyed reminders of the strange circumstances of their relationship, of which there were no shortage within the captain’s quarters.

He knew the captain had feelings for him, as much as he had tried to disregard them. He was well aware he was hurting him by spending so much time with him alone, when he was trying to move on… but he hoped that there would be no need for it. He was hoping that he could develop feelings for him; after all he was half human.

When he had written the piece for the captain on his lute, he had almost started to believe it was possible. Each note, every chord, had been written with him in mind. When composing the piece, he recalled closing his eyes and simply remembering moments they had spent together, the good and the less pleasant, and allowing his fingers to do as they please, dancing across the strings in the manner as they saw fit.

He had also been meditating. Instead of his usual exercises to help control emotions, he opened himself to them.

But tonight he wanted to try something, something humans sometimes considered even more intimate than the things they had done together. To this day, their gatherings hadn’t had any romantic value in them. Spock had been getting to know the captain better, but in a different way to how he had known him many years they had been acquainted.

He made an effort to understand him, and learn about his personal quirks and stories. It was akin to dating, but different in that that they already knew each other so well, but now they were reacquainting with one another in a more intimate fashion, rather than just as colleagues.

When the captain arrived, they perched on the edge of his bed whilst Spock almost immediately brought up the topic of their pasts. They spoke of their younger years, their families and ambitions. Throughout the night Spock inched close toward the captain, making an effort to animate himself more than usual. He also ensured he touched the captain more, not in any sexual sort of way, just a simple hand on the shoulder or arm.

Well, he had intended for it to be casual, but the captain most definitely noticed each time. He tensed under hand, Jim did know him quite well, and he most certainly knew he wasn’t quite so… _affectionate_.

However, the captain soon became accustomed to his apparent friendliness, and reciprocated. Spock decided now was the most appropriate moment if any. He made his request when their conversation was at a comfortable lull.

“Captain… I am not entirely sure how to proceed, I understand the parameters of our relationship are not clearly established.” Kirk flinched. Spock knew he must proceed with care, the captain and himself had not discussed their previous… engagements and the significance they bear in great detail. It was obviously a touchy subject for Jim.

“I realise that you are unwilling to partake in a relationship with someone whom cannot love you, but I must inform you that… perhaps it is not an impossibility.” The captain’s eyes widened in shock at Spock’s declaration.

“Spock are you…” The captain paused to clear his throat. “Spock do you mean to say that you are developing feelings for me?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that, but I am beginning to believe it could happen. I am, after all, half-human. I have found myself more partial to you, of late. It is hardly groundbreaking, but I would like to think of it as a start.” Jim appeared quite ecstatic.

“Thank you, Spock. For giving this a chance… giving us a chance.” His body language indicated he desired to be close to him (a hug, for example), but he was wary of pushing him too far. Spock was pleased by the gesture, though his caution was unnecessary, as he would soon realise.

“To address my original request, I was hoping we could try something new. Jim, may we… cuddle?” The captain lips twitched as he refrained from smiling, but his shining eyes spoke for themselves. He reached for Spock wordlessly.

Their arms entwined, bodies falling gently onto the bed. The captain’s arm draped across Spock’s chest, his leg settling over him. Strangely Spock’s body seemed to know what to do, how to hold the captain without any conscious thought. His found his hand settling on the captain’s back, drawing him into his frame.

Their embrace was so natural. Spock found he enjoyed the weight of the captain’s body over his, revelling in his warmth. He relished his presence, his closeness. It was strangely intimate, though of a different nature to their sexual experiences. This was more similar to their mind meld, though no communication was exchanged in this instance.

Spock found he was fond of cuddling. A deep feeling of contentment resonated deep within him. He pulled the captain closer, his forehead resting against his.

\--

I backed away from the door to the captain’s quarters, shocked. Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are…? Really? I was somewhat repulsed, especially when I thought about the things they must have done together. Disgusting. It was absolutely filthy to think that their captain, who commanded a crew of over 400 officers who all looked up to him, had lain with another man.

I recalled all the times the captain had been called off the bridge early, to – as he now knew – spend time with Spock, doing god knows what. I very nearly shuddered. I felt betrayed, appalled that I looked up toward this man in admiration. I had to do something; I had to put a stop to this abomination, somehow. Obviously I couldn’t report him for being gay, but… oh. Oh. Yes.

I hurried toward the bridge, my plan coming together rapidly. I headed straight for the communications station and relieved Uhura. I told her I wanted to send my wife a personal message, and she was more than happy to oblige, pleased she could have a minute to grab a coffee and relax.

It took me a minute to familiarise myself with the controls, but soon enough I had a visual and audio link with Starfleet. I patched the link through to my quarters, and headed there as soon as Uhura returned.

“Come in Starfleet.”

“Starfleet here. What’s the matter?”

“I wish to file an official complaint against Captain James T. Kirk of the star ship Enterprise.” The admiral’s eyes tightened around the edges a bit, I knew he was close to the captain, and wasn’t pleased about this development. “He has been neglecting his duties as captain.” The admiral’s eyebrows quirked, he was surprised. However, continued on quite professionally, voice revealing nothing.

“This is quite a serious matter, lieutenant. Are you sure you wish to purse it?”

“Yes sir, I’m quite sure.”

“Understood,” I heard the beep in the background. “The remainder of this conversation is now being recorded, as per Starfleet regulation states. Please clearly detail the terms of your accusations, lieutenant Sulu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! LOTS of pov changes throughout this chapter! Anyways, I have exams next week, so I probably will take a bit longer to update, sorry everyone.  
> Please, please, please comment and leave a kudos if you enjoyed this fic, or you have any suggestions. Your feedback absolutely makes my day!


	5. Chapter 5

The date of the court martial had not yet been finalised, but it was sure to take place shortly after their arrival at star base 113. Captain James T. Kirk of the USS _Enterprise_ had been charged with neglectance of duties by an anonymous persecutor.

 

Kirk was disappointed that a crew mate of his was afraid to reveal his true identity. Did he feel Kirk would disfavour or treat him unfairly? He or she must have. It wasn’t in his nature to be cruel to someone, especially not for doing their duty. In fact, he was somewhat grateful; he had the lives of over 400 lives in his hands. If someone aboard felt as if he were inadequate, it was better to get it out into the open than risk one of those 400 plus lives. Besides, the identity of his accuser would be revealed at in court, he or she was only prolonging the inevitable.

 

Despite that, he was still nervous. And his unease was only amplified by the lack of knowledge he had over the situation. He knew he had left the bridge before the conclusion of his shift on numerous occasions as of late, but perhaps that was not in fact the matter at hand. He wished he knew the details of his situation, but said intricacies would not be finalised until the Enterprise arrived at the star base.

 

At present, he had been relieved of command. He resided in his quarters most of the time. It was strange being a passenger on the _Enterprise_ , though he knew she was in good hands, more specifically the hands of his… partner? Boyfriend? His relationship with Spock was still in a strange limbo of sorts, trapped in the void between friendship and something more.

 

But… he didn’t mind. Just because he couldn’t put a name to it doesn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate it. Spock still spent much time with him, but less now with all his additional duties as acting Captain.

 

Beside him, the comm. chimed. “Bridge to Kirk,”

 

He activated it. “Kirk here,”

 

“Keptin, we’re fivteen hours from star base 113,” Chekov’s heavily accented voice came through the comm. “I thought you ought to know.”

 

Kirk smiled. “Yes, thank you Chekov. Kirk out.”

 

He wondered if Chekov had realised he called him captain.

 

\--

 

“Captain James T. Kirk of the USS star ship _Enterprise_ is accused of negligence of duty. Specifically, being absent from the bridge when his presence is required. We will commence the hearing with a word from Mr Smith.” Smith calmly stepped up, utterly at ease.

 

“Here we have one of Starfleet’s most recognised and valued captains, hell if you ask some they’d tell you he was the best.” Kirk fought back a grin. He knew Lieutenant Smith was a good choice. He had been a lawyer for many a years, and it showed in how he handled his cases. He was pretty comfortable in front of a judge. “Are you really willing to lose one of your best captains to a few petty accusations? If a lower ranked officer had committed these offences, the most drastic punishment he would have faced would be a warning.” With those words, Smith took his seat.

 

Kirk could already see the judge was beginning to lean towards a ruling in his favour, he agreed with Smith; anything more drastic than a warning was too much. His nerves didn’t seem to take the hint though. “Mr Sulu, would like to place your argument?” And Sulu stepped up to the judge. _Sulu_ , of all people had been the one to go behind his back. He was still bristling from the sting of the betrayal. He had made it a point to get to know all his bridge officers, and trusted them to tell him if they had a problem with him. Or so he had thought.

  
“Yes, sir. And yes, Mr Smith is right, in normal circumstances a court martial wouldn’t be called, but we’re not taking about just an officer here. We’re taking about a star ship captain. But… what does that really even mean?” Sulu asked, looking up at the judge. Kirk knew he had had experience as a lawyer, but he was surprised he was taking this case himself. “I would like to ask the man himself a few questions.” Kirk stepped up.

 

“Mr Kirk, what is your definition of a star ship captain?” Smith jumped up.

 

“Objection! Relevance, sir.”

 

“Overruled. Please answer the question, Mr Kirk.”

 

“A star ship captain is responsible for leading his crew as best he can to fulfil their mission, whist keeping them safe.” Kirk replied promptly.

 

“And to carry out this task, would a captain not need to be present on the bridge?”

 

“Only when he is required.”

 

“And in what situation would he be ‘required’?”

 

“During his shifts and in any other time of crisis.” He was beginning to see what he was getting at.

 

“And captain, tell me, what are possible repercussions of failing to do so?”

 

“The repercussions… could potentially be very drastic. Without a capable captain, the worst case scenario would be the destruction of the ship and loss of the crew.” Jim knew he wasn’t helping his case at all, but he was really beginning to understand the magnitude of his little getaways with Spock.

 

“And what is the worst that could happen if a lower ranked officer slacked off in his duties?”

 

“Well, he could always be relived by another officer.” Kirk answered truthfully.  Then again…“But so could a captain!” Kirk cried pitifully. His voice sounded uncertain in his own ears.

 

Sulu’s expression remained impassive. “That’s all.” The room was uneasily silent as Kirk and Sulu took their seats. He could see the judge beginning to reconsider, and Kirk threw Spock a worried look. Spock’s expression was deliberately all too calm. He was working to keep his cool.

 

When Smith went up he read out a few log entries, each detailing the fact the captain had left the bridge no earlier than half an hour before his shift ended on each occasion. The judge didn’t look convinced. Kirk was beginning to lose hope too. He could see Smith was trying to justify his actions, but it looked like he was making excuses. When Smith sat down, he snuck a glance at Spock. He looked a little less composed. The tension was getting to him too.

 

When it was Sulu’s turn, he requested to speak to Kirk again. “The crux of the matter is the negligence of your shifts, is it not?” Sulu asked.

 

“Yes.” _Thank you, captain obvious_ , he wanted to add, but he refrained from saying anything. He was surprised with his own snide sarcasm. He chalked it up to his nerves.

 

“So if there were a way to prove that your little escapades were for good reason and for benefit of the ship, all this could be avoided, yes?” The tone of Sulu’s voice was deep and almost menacing. Kirk shuffled nervously in his seat.

 

“Yes,” His answer was a mere whisper; his voice seemed to stick in his throat.

 

“Then enlighten us, Mr Kirk. Where did you go after you left the bridge?” Sulu’s voice was sharp.

 

“I…” He licked his lips, desperately trying to stall for time. The additional two seconds he gleaned did nothing to aid his situation. “I was with Mr Spock.”

 

“Why?” Sulu’s voice cut like a blade. The look on his face was savage. And then it hit him. He _knew_. About him and Spock. But just how much did he know?

 

Once again, frantically tried to put together a viable explanation. “It’s... personal.” He finished lamely.

 

“And is it of any benefit to the crew?” Oh, but he so desperately wanted to pull Sulu aside and talk to him. To ask him just how the hell he knew what was going on. He discreetly directed his gaze to where Spock was sitting. He was gone. He didn’t blame him. No doubt he would be subjected to the intrusive and curious gazes of many eyes by this point if he had remained.

 

“No.” As the word left his lips he could practically feel the final seal being seared into his coffin.

 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever have a chance to fly the _Enterprise_ ever again.

 

\--

 

Kirk was numb. His eyes had glazed over the moment the verdict had been announced. When his fellow crewmates and friends expressed their sympathy, he just wanted to get away. He didn’t want their condolences, he wanted to be alone.

 

When the door slid shut behind him, he moved towards a chair and perched on the very edge of it. His movements were as unnatural and stiff as the chair beneath him. He didn’t even feel sad. He didn’t feel anything. Was he in shock?

 

That was how Spock found him. “Captain,” He murmured quietly, resting a hand on his shoulder. Kirk didn’t even blink, he just stared. “I heard the verdict. I’m sorry I left early.” He still refused to speak. Spock tugged him toward the bed. They sat, side by side. Spock gently placed his arms around him, pulling his close and burrowing into his neck. “At least it’s not forever, Jim.” He whispered. Eventually Kirk’s arms encircled his waist, rigid frame melting into Spock.

 

At least he had a hope of surviving the next three weeks with Spock with him.

 

Kirk had been relinquished of command for the next three weeks, and Spock had refused to take captaincy in his place. Himself and his crew were essentially marooned on this star base for that time.

 

\--

 

Eventually their hunger forced Kirk and Spock were to leave Kirk’s quarters in favour of the star base’s local eatery. When they walked in, the raucous noise swiftly dissipated into silence. All heads turned toward Spock and Kirk. Unsurprisingly, most of the patrons were the Enterprise’s crew. Thankfully, no one looked like they were about to swing a punch at either of them, just shocked. It certainly looked like Sulu had no trouble getting people to believe him of their relationship status.

 

Spock began to make his way toward the front to order, ignoring the uneasy silence, but Kirk held him back. “Just a second, Spock.” He murmured so only he could hear. Kirk cleared his throat, steeling himself.

 

“Look, I know you’ve all heard rumours about Spock and I… and I’m just going to set the score straight right now.” Everyone seemed to listen in more intently. Kirk glanced at Spock. Spock nodded subtly. “Spock and I are in fact in a relationship.” Kirk paused tentatively, but he pushed on when no one cried out in outrage.

 

“I can assure you that this will not affect my ability to command this ship. I will continue to do my duties as best as I can. I know that this incident is inexcusable, and I promise I won’t allow it to happen again. I will not allow the safety of any member of my crew to be compromised if I can help it.” Up until this point his tone had been strong, confident, filled with determination and promise. But now his voice dropped, stripped of its tough façade.

 

“I’m sorry. To every member of my crew, I am so sorry that I put your lives in danger. When time’s up I’ll give you everything I’ve got. I won’t let this happen again.” Kirk licked his lips nervously, his hand sliding into Spock’s. Spock squeezed his hand reassuringly.

 

For while it was silent, as if the crowd was taking time to process Kirk’s little speech. Then Scotty stood up. “Do you know what? I think this gonna help us if anything. The captain will learn from this incident and he’ll be stronger than ever, and who’s to say that his and Mr Spock’s relationship won’t enhance the working dynamic on this ship? Besides I know you’ve all been betting on the captain and Mr Spock getting it on for as long as I remember, and few of you are gonna be cashin’ in hard today.” The crowd laughed heartily, Kirk threw Scotty a grateful grin.

 

He could see the crew considering his words, their faith in him restored, for the most anyways. Uhura piped up. “Congratulations boys.” She winked. Kirk blushed, and even Spock’s eyes widened slightly. The crowd laughed even harder, their cries inspersed with good-natured catcalls and hoots.

 

Eventually Spock and Kirk took a table with Scotty, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov. The evening flew by as storied were exchanged over increasing quantities of alcohol. Even Spock didn’t seem to mind the socialising. Kirk was just pleased that the crew had accepted their relationship so readily… but his negligence?

 

He could see that there were undertones of mistrust in the eyes of his crew, despite the happy façade. It would take time to fully heal the gashes of mistrust he had ripped into his crew, and he honestly couldn’t blame them.  He hoped he could re-earn their trust in time.

 

Soon enough, people started to turn in, tipsy and satisfied. Kirk was just about to suggest to Spock they do the same, when his fellow helmsmen approached him.

 

“May I speak to you? In private?” Sulu asked, the table falling silent.

 

“Of course,” Kirk was uneasy. “Excuse me, everyone.” He muttered toward the table. Their made their way towards a secluded section of the bar, Sulu seemed almost as uncomfortable being alone with Kirk as he was. Kirk waited for Sulu to begin.

 

“I wish to inform you my request for transfer to the _Stargazer_ has been approved. I’ll be first officer, we leave next week.” Sulu’s tone was hard. Unforgiving. Kirk was… shocked.

 

“Sulu, I know I haven’t been fair to this crew, but I know I can-”

 

“No, cap- Mr Kirk,” He sighed. “It’s not that. I know you’ll learn from this mistake. You’re a strong captain… exceptional, really. There’s a reason why the _Enterprise_ is cherished at the flagship of the federation.” He paused. Patience hadn’t even been one of Kirk’s strengths.

 

“Well, what is it?”

 

Sulu shuffled in his seat awkwardly. “I don’t think I can work under someone like… someone like you.” This statement did nothing to resolve Kirk’s confusion.

 

“I don’t quite understand. If this isn’t about my failure to observe proper protocol regarding bridge shifts, then what is it?”

 

“I can’t handle working under a gay first officer and captain! Okay! I just… it’s the way I was raised. It… I find it quite repulsive. And I realise you’re probably not gay. Bisexual, whatever. I just can’t do it.” His words tumbled from his lips in a rush. Kirk was too astonished to feel hurt.

 

“I… I’m sorry to have to lose you, Sulu.” He whispered, too dazed to say formulate a more adequate response. Discrimination against anyone for petty things like looks or sexual preference was nearly unheard of in the 23rd century. He had never encountered it in all his life. It was like taking a trip into the past, circa 20th century. He wondered how people had been able to live in such a society.  Sulu discreetly excused himself, leaving Kirk to ponder his thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Yes, I realise the wait for this chapter was a little bit lengthy, sorry about that. Hopefully it was worth the wait though. If so, please kudos or comment! Thanks. :)


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